Alternatively titled, “30570493985 things I don’t miss about my disordered eating and exercise”, but that post would’ve been too long. So here we are with 5 things…
1. Having to move my body every morning.
When I was in my compulsive exercise days, I spent 8 years where I had to move every morning. If I didn’t move I would end up spending the rest of the day thinking about how I hadn’t exercise and I couldn’t relax.
There are still times now when I’m enjoying a slow morning that I think, “i’m so glad I don’t have to spend every morning exercising.” Earlier this week I woke up and the weather was gorgeous outside. I knew I wanted to sit outside and eat. I decided donuts + kolaches sounded good for breakfast, so I went around the corner and picked them up and sat in my backyard and ate them with a homemade latte while planning out some blog content. It was wonderful and felt so fulfilling. Running never fulfilled me. It only fulfilled my eating disorder.
I still think tolerating the discomfort of not running was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. That isn’t an exaggeration. I spent 8 years so fixated on getting up and having to move my body that it took some time for the automatic thought (read: automatic brain-yelling-at-me-to-go-move-or-else) to be quieted and eventually completely go away. The brain is very effective at sticking with habits you did for 8 years…so I recommend being patient with your brain when you’re retraining it. It takes time to get away from compulsive exercise but it’s worth it for the peace that comes when the compulsion isn’t there.
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